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When are wild bachelorette parties too wild? The answer is: whenever the bride experiences more than temporary discomfort. The bachelorette party culture encourages friends to create a wild night in imitation of legendary bachelor parties, but this can lead to awkward situations.
At the same time, friends don't want to be so scared of offending that no fun gets planned at all. A bride might not want to spell it out to her friends that her ideal night of fun is a can of whipped cream, a handful of dollar bills and a male stripper.
The answer is to use good judgment, and always provide the bride with a way out. Consider your friend's personality, and don't plan something that is far beyond the level of anything you've seen her do before. One friend writes, ' one of her bridesmaids started talking about strip clubs and fruit-flavored daquaris. The bride came to me and whimpered on my shoulders. She was honestly wondering what the bridesmaid thought any of that had to do with her (the bride) at all!" Remember that the party is for the bride to have fun, not for her friends to see her humiliated.
Another bride writes, 'My friends had a quiz and asked all these questions that I kept getting wrong. It turns out the groom gave answers he knew I wouldn't know in a hundred years – things like the name of his third grade teacher. I felt totally humiliated.' This bride's friends thought they were encouraging a good time, but didn't count on the bride's unexpected reaction. It is good to remember that weddings are an emotional time when friends might not react in predicable ways. Shy brides might not feel able to tell friends that they feel uncomfortable, but providing her with a choice gives the bride a polite way out.
|Jennifer Mathes, Ph.D.|